Arthur Punches Lancelot!
by fernazab
Summary: No, the affair from the legends has NOT happened. Drabble collection. NO slash. Drabble #6: Arthur knows Merlin is a liar. But won't do anything about it.
1. Arthur Punches Lancelot!

**Woah, I can't believe we actually wrote a drabble. It really must be a virus, because we never thought we would.**

**No slash. And we don't own Merlin.**

**Enjoy!  
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><p>Arthur flung out his fist. It slammed into Lancelot's face, sending the knight sprawling to the floor. He immediately pulled himself to his feet, trying to look dignified despite his broken nose.<p>

"What were you thinking?" Arthur roared, "He's going to get himself killed!"

"Merlin is braver than you think."

"I hope not! Merlin's not a warrior, Lancelot. His bravery will be the end of him."

Arthur stormed away.

"Where are you going?"

"To save that _idiot_ from his bravery."

Arthur flung open the door, then froze.

There stood Merlin looking ragged, but alive.

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><p><strong>Please review even though this was short!<strong>


	2. Midnight Assassins

**We know what you guys were thinking. "They caved!" Actually, this is not a continuation of the previous chapter. _If we ever do that we'll post it as a companion piece. _For now, we've decided that any drabbles that are at all loosely related to the title "Arthur Punches Lancelot" (Arthur, punching, or torturing Lancey) will be posted in this story. Anything about Morgause goes in "Touchy Feely." Oh no, what if we write one that could fit in both sections? _We'll just have to pick one then._**

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><p>It was a cliche dark and stormy night.<p>

_Bang!_

Arthur snored comfortably in defiance of the thunder.

_Creak._

Two assassins crept in.

_Boom!_

"This should be easy; he's sleeping through all this," one assassin breathed to the other.

Where thunder had failed, a human voice succeeded. Arthur stirred.

But the assassins tiptoed closer. One drew a knife, preparing to strike. They were so close. Arthur Pendragon would soon be dead. They could almost taste the victory.

Suddenly, Arthur grabbed his sword and sprang to his feet. He swiftly dispatched both assassins.

The assassins learned their lesson: Never awaken Arthur.


	3. Another Reason to Hit Lancelot

**Do we take too much pleasure in harming Lancey? Possibly.**

**We wrote two versions of this just for the fun of it. R&R.**

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><p>Merlin knew this was a trap. And Lancelot was leading him straight into it.<p>

As convincing as this whole ruse was, Merlin knew Lancelot was enchanted. Merlin knew that there wasn't anyone in need of help except the knight. Lancelot needed to be taken to Gaius.

However, Merlin also knew he couldn't convince his friend to follow him back. Lancelot had to be forced.

But Merlin couldn't use magic in the streets of Camelot.

So, when no one was looking, Merlin struck Lancelot's head with a lump of wood.

It was for the knight's own good. He would understand.

Eventually.

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><p><strong>Now for the companion piece (not the sequel).<strong>

Merlin panted as he drug Sir Lancelot through the streets of Camelot.

Lancelot had managed to get himself enchanted. Because of that, Merlin had been forced to hit his friend.

Merlin winced. He didn't mean to hurt Lancelot. This was for the best. However, that didn't change the fact that Merlin was raking Lancelot across the cobblestones.

_Clink! Clink!_

That sound meant unfortunate things for Lancelot. Each noise signaled the opportunity for a new bruise.

Merlin hoped Lancelot wouldn't be too angry. This had, after all, been for his own good.

But why did chainmail have to be so heavy?


	4. The OOC Stick Strikes Again

**This one is crack. Fern hit someone with the OOC stick.**

**BTW, Fern wrote this drabble. I know you might be skeptical since she isn't writing any of the A/N. (She left a minute ago.) But, really, one way to know who wrote something in our self-insert buffoon fics is to see who looks worse. Chances are, that's the person who wrote it. I could drone on with examples, but I'm sure you don't care. You just want the drabble ;)**

**Enjoy! R&R!**

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><p>Two women stood concealed, watching a gaggle of knights.<p>

"Did you _have_ to pick that command?" Zab asked.

"Why not?" Fern replied smugly, "It's going to be incredibly embarrassing."

"Yes, but how is he going to lead his men?"

"I didn't think about that," Fern said guiltily, looking out the window at the army that was preparing for attack.

"Obviously."

"Well, I'm sure he'll figure it out."

Meanwhile, Arthur had been giving a very moving speech. That was until he bellowed, "For the love of hamsters!"

"What's a 'hamster'?" asked Gwaine.


	5. Spoiler Alert!

*****WARNING***: Please note the title. This drabble is based around spoilers._ We do realize that our interpretation is going to be completely inaccurate. This is more what we want to happen. _(It's so sad that there is about no chance of this scenario happening...) But there are spoilers. If you don't want spoilers in any form or fashion, wait until after the Season 4 finale to read this.**

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><p>"I'm going to enjoy killing you, Arthur Pendragon. Not even Emrys can save you now." Morgana gloated.<p>

"Who?" Arthur asked.

"Don't play stupid with me, Arthur," Morgana chided, twirling her blade. "I know you've sent him to kill me."

Agravaine suddenly burst in screaming, "Merlin is Emrys!"

"You think I sent _Merlin _to kill you?" Arthur asked.

"Of course not!" Morgana snapped, flustered, "Agravaine, that's impossible."

"I saw him use magic! It's the only explanation!" Agravaine shouted.

Suddenly Agravaine flew through the air landing on Morgana.

In the doorway stood Merlin.


	6. Liar, Liar

Arthur's jaw dropped. The armory was a wreak, and Merlin was standing in the middle of it.

"What happened!" Arthur demanded.

"Rust! I was checking for rust!" Merlin gasped.

"_Mer_lin, it hasn't rained in two weeks."

"How would you know? It could've rained last night."

Arthur glared at Merlin. He knew Merlin was lying to cover up some stupid mistake. Surely, the truth was more reasonable than 'checking for rust.' But what if the truth was more ridiculous than that pathetic lie? Arthur wasn't sure which idea was worse.

Did he even want to find out?

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><p><strong>Please review :)<strong>


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